Wednesday, April 23, 2008

For the first time in my life I have thin hair (for me anyway). My hair is falling out like crazy. I thought maybe it was just stress and would slow down. But I think it's getting worse. I am now having to get it off of my pillow in the morning. And I've gotten three mysterious bruises since last week. They just appear and really hurt. Don't know what's going on. So, definitely making an appointment with the doctor tomorrow.

Walked for the third night in a row and feel great about it!
Let me just say this today....I don't like it when people sneak around and check my email and stuff like that. I mean, I have nothing to hide, I just think it's rude. It makes me feel like a kid. I don't go anywhere or do anything without my kids. What could I possibly be doing??? No idea what people think I do since I'm always either at home or work or driving in between. Oh yeah, sometimes I go grocery shopping...maybe that's where I"m getting into mischief.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Some people just amaze me. It's been a frustating day. I don't understand how mothers can just leave their children. I don't understand why I'm good enough to raise children for 13 years now but still not good enough to be acknowledged as their mother. You can be someone's mother without giving birth to them. I've done it now for many years.

Don't understand why such a double standard where child support is concerned. I'm sure if my husband had ever missed child support he would have been in jail....much less not paid any for 5 years now.

It also pisses me off that certain people who haven't even been around for years seem to come out of the woodwork when someone dies. I'm amazed that no one from the other side of the family even asked about funeral expenses or how we would pay the thousands of dollars that it cost yet felt entitled to call the funeral home to tell them what kind of funeral they wanted. People are just unbelievable!

The funeral home called and want us to come by Monday. They said they have things they didn't give us. UGGHHHHH! I don't want to go there again. It's awful. I detour so I don't even have to drive by it, I sure don't want to walk back in there. I think the smell might make me sick. I can smell it now when I think about it.

Tomorrow is 5 months without Megan. The most horrible time of my life. Megan was the greatest daughter. I don't get how God can let her be in such pain like that when such terrible people live. I miss her so much. I will never be as close to anyone as I was to her. I am so lucky that I got to have her in my life.

Okay, enough with my random to watch a movie with the kids.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I LOVE this picture of Megan and Becca. Megan looks truly happy. I miss her so much it's hurts everyday. Who could've ever predicted 5 months ago that they would be together in Heaven?
Someone asked me today how many kids I had and for some reason I didn't really know what to say. I guess I'll just say what I've always said and hope they don't ask where they all are or anything like that.
funerals April 8, 2008 •

I went to Becca’s funeral on Saturday. It was really pretty. There was one of my favorite pictures of her and Megan in her slide show. That made me happy. Megan would’ve loved that. I did okay except when I looked at the casket. It was exactly like Megan’s and all I could think was that I wished it was Megan’s in front of me again just so I could touch her one more time. I think maybe I”m losing it…..

This is on my birthday (March 28th) after dinner.

My 10 year old birthday girl!!
March 1, 2008 •
It’s been a busy week. Dd4 has been sick with a kidney infection since Tuesday. I have never seen anyone have one that bad. She was laying in the bathroom floor doubled over crying. It was AWFUL!! She is feeling lots better now.

I am waiting on the copy of Megan’s file to get here from the police dept. They said either today or Monday. Kind of hoping for it to come today so I can quit worrying about it getting here. It’s making my stomach hurt today!
February 26, 2008 • I got a call from dd4’s teacher around noon today that she wasn’t feeling well. Went to pick her up and she layed around watching movies all afternoon. I thought she had perked up but now is feeling worse again. So, since I couldn’t get an appt with her dr. until 8:45 in the morning…..we are headed to urgent care. I am going to try to get a urine sample. That should be interesting. The nurse thinks she has a bladder infection. Yuck!!

February 24, 2008 • This is what I did today (Sunday). Finally got dd9’s “new” bed set up. It was mine growing up. It’s neat for her to have it now. She is very excited to not have a twin bed and be able to spread out. Mollie thinks the extra room is just for her…..she’s excited too!

February 24, 2008 •
We decided Saturday morning to try the ear piercing thing again. It’s been almost 3 years since the first time so I think it’s going to go better….hopefull

February 23, 2008 • Our first daffodil bloomed last Monday. We were so excited because they usually mean Spring! Tuesday it got cold and icy again……UGH!

This is ds16 taking pics of himself with his new phone. Yes, he always looks this excited!!

Hair disasters… February 21, 2008 •
So, we went to spend the afternoon with dd18 last Saturday. She had been attempting to dye her hair back blonde from dark brown. Well, it didn’t work AT ALL. So, we spent all Sunday afternoon at the hair salon trying to salvage it. Not sure about the end result…..see for yourself.

February 21, 2008 •
This is Kitty and Mollie (our little camera hog).

February 21, 2008 •
I LOVE this picture of my sweet Breda. She is 13 years and 8 months old.

February 21, 2008 •
Playing with my new camera on Valentine’s Day.
V-Day 2008 February 20, 2008 •
My husband got me a great new camera for Valentine’s Day. So, I’m finally taking pictures again. I’ve got lots to post so get ready.
February 19, 2008 •
3 months today…….don’t really have much else on my mind.
February 19, 2008 • No Comments
I am trying really hard to start a “new” life. I feel like I have to for myself and for my family. I have joined Weight Watchers and have started walking again. I have learned that life is way too short to always be waiting until tomorrow to do what makes us happy.

I miss Megan more than anyone could possibly know. I ache to hold her, hear her voice and see her smile. I wonder if that will ever go away. I wonder if there will ever be a day that I don’t wake up counting the days since I talked to her that last time…..94 days today. It feels like a lifetime already. How will I ever make it without her? I have cried a lot tonight and can’t seem to stop. Think I will just take medicine and go to sleep….maybe I will dream that she’s here again.